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yoyololo19
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Name: Laura
Birthday: 5/13/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Honest answers to honest questions, beauty, U2, the Simpsons, Literature, fun...
Expertise: Questing and questioning
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/23/2005
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| I don't know if anyone reads these now, but I was just inspired by reading my friend's old blog update on life and realizing how I value news on other people, even when it's not recent. So, here I am giving an update on my life. The simple and most important news flashes:
I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL, 3-MONTH OLD NEPHEW NAMED AIDEN
I'M CURRENTLY SPENDING MY 4TH SUMMER IN HOMER, AK
I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO AN INTERNATIONAL NURSING SCHOOL IN THE CARRIBEAN FOR JAN. 2008
So, I've been having a really great time here in Homer doing massage therapy/gardening/landscaping like I have every other summer I've been here. The last week I've been out of action because of a sprained ankle from playing ultimate frizbee (John was there and actually asked if he could carry me off the field because it would look "so manly" :). Because of the extra R&R, I've spent lots of time reading and just hanging out with the family and friends who are here (John, Brandy, Aiden, Dad, Noah Elhardt is also here, and then some old friends). I value my family so much. They have been my home through my travels and emotional/spiritual uncertainties. They cannot make everything okay or as they should be, but I always know they are there to do what can be done if I need it--recently, they've been making me lots of tea and carrying things for me:)
Aiden is getting so big! The poor kid has been through some rough stuff though. He seems to be allergic to quite a lot and Brandy is going on an ever more restrictive diet to help with some of his digestional problems. He rolled over for the first time last week and yesterday propped himself up on all fours for a few seconds before relenting to the force of gravity. Soon he'll be crawling. It's amazing how such small things can become so important as I watch him grow. That’s another thing I’ve realized families are good for: providing direction in life. For example, even though I’ve known Aiden a short time, I already know that I want to make it a point to stay involved in his life and the lives of any siblings who may follow him. Amongst other things, that entails having the available means to ensure that happens…which leads to perhaps the most impacting bit of my news: I’m going to become a nurse.
Yeah, that was kind of a big decision for me, but not really a big surprise though. The more I considered it, the more I thought it would fit me perfectly. I absolutely love the fact that I would never be in want of a job as long as I could work. Already, there are something around 200,000 positions that need to be filled in the US alone, and that figure is going to drastically raise as time goes on. One thing I’m just awful at is convincing someone they should pay me for something—a big reason why I can’t imagine being a massage therapist for the rest of my life. And with nursing, I will always be able to either just fit into a bigger system that does the money part for me, or there are plenty of opportunities to volunteer my abilities. Also the opportunity for travel and specialization and continuing education seems practically endless. I know there will be a lot about nursing that will be overwhelming and demanding. I know this school will probably be the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. But, I also know it’s worth the risk, and I must say, stressing out under the Caribbean sunshine has gotta help?
Life seems so full and lovely right now. I’m in one of the most beautiful places on earth with really cool people (besides my family and Noah, newlyweds Adam and Nicole Elhardt will soon be arriving!). After a summer of working and hanging out, I’m returning to be a part of a dear friend’s wedding (Leah Gerry and Ryan B are tying the knot!!). I’ll have the craziest semester of my life with 22 units at Moorpark; then I’ll get to witness another of my dearest friends Raina Witt, get married to the man of her dreams. And a day after the wedding I’ll be flying to the Caribbean to spend the next year and a half. I come back to the states to finish up my nursing clinicals, take my RN exam and where I go after that is still a mystery. –Those are all my plans at least. It’s always an adventure to see what actually ends up happening.
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| What is a worthy life? Seems like a big question, but I've gotta
start somewhere. There are plenty of messages thrown at me all
the time as to what makes a worthy life. Whether consciously or
not, I take in these sometimes greatly differing opinions, digest them
and flush em right back out or allow them to stay and become a part of
me. Much to my chagrin, I recognize that my mind and heart, like
my body, has a tendency to hold on to what's put in, and if I don't
make a conscious effort to remove unwanted material, it will remain
effect me for good or ill.
So, what are some of the different messages I've been receiving
recently? Well, I just spent a couple hours surfing MySpace (not
something I've ever done before), and have now left feeling the effects
of a strong messages as to what makes a worthy life. I found
myself feeling rather like a failure in the "MySpace world" because I
only had a handful of friends when many others had hundreds; I had one
picture (a friend had downloaded for me), when some had whole albums,
and while many had decorated their site and covered them with colorful,
creative art work and long accounts of their lives, there my homepage
was, plain and uninteresting. Now, I should say that I have since
attempted to update my site some, and am not against MySpace or
anything. I think it is a pretty amazing thing to be able to find
updates on people I thought I'd never see again! It's just that
after leaving MySpace, I found myself thinking living a worthy life
meant spending a lot of time on the internet.
This idea of a worthy "MySpace" life differs greatly from other strong
messages I've been receiving. For the greater part of the last
nine months, I've been on Bowen Island, British Columbia, helping at a
L'Abri (a sort of study center/retreat for seekers--not the Harry
Potter kind). Many kinds of people from all over the world pass
through here and I've gotten to hear quite a few interesting stories
and ideas. One fellow who came to lecture for us, spoke to us
about the declining state of our environment and the increasing crisis
our planet is experiencing as we overdraw on limited resources.
He told us that an average American uses twice the amount of energy of
any other average citizen of an industrialized nation and 20 to 30
times more than someone in a developing country. His passion in
life was to show others how important it was to save our planet from
from our self-centered life style.
Another fellow who passed through was a pastor from Australia who'd
spent the last three months visiting churches in Singapore, Cambodia,
Russia, Macedonia, England, the US and finally Canada. He spent
two hours painting a broad understanding of what each of these
countries were going through at this moment in history--Singapore with
its vast gulf between the few very rich, and the many dirt poor;
Cambodia as it continues to heal from the relatively recent genocide
committed in the Country by the Khmar Rouge that took out 30% of the
population in four years; Russia, as the country faces a breathtaking
plunge in population in the next forty years.... I left that
lecture sensing that a worthwhile life would be in bringing balance to
one of these suffering countries instead of living a life of ease and
comfort in the West.
I guess what I'm coming to in these thoughts is that there sure seems
to be a lot of important things to do in life, but not a whole lot of
time to do them in. Keeping an up-to-date blog site going, saving
the planet, and helping the poor all seem to have their varying levels
of importance and place in a worthwhile life--and that's just three
options out of countless!! I'm not sure whether to be happy
or anxious about that. I suppose we always return to our
own limitations though. Welp, I gotta go live a worthwhile life
by taking a walk in this rare sunshine!
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| I don't suppose any of you know what the cost of gas is in Canada eh? Well, neither did I when I was driving up, so I made sure to fill up right before the border. It's night right, and I'm trying to find my way through downtown Vancouver when I notice a gas sign that lists the prices. Now I rubbed my eyes after looking at the sign because I figured my vission was getting blurry, but no, lo and behold I had indeed seen the correct price: .98 (that is cents). I was excited at that point (which was a nice change because I'd just gotten lost and had to stop at a drycleaning store to get directions that weren't all that great). Anyway, after that I was making plans in my head where all I'd drive because of how cheap it would be to get around. Well, all my little plans were shattered a few days later, and for all of you who remember that the US is really behind the times when it comes to measurements, well yah, the prices I saw were in liters, not gallons. I'll let you do the math, but lets just say that I don't plan on doing as much driving as I thought.
Getting serious now, life continues to be really good here. I still go through my normal cycles of thinking I can conquer the world--at least my own heart and mind--and then run into the crushing reality that I'm still a really screwed up, finite piece of life that is here now and will be gone in a moment. My studies are mostly really interesting. I forget if I said this earlier, but I starting reading the Bible at Genesis, Joshua, Psalms, Mathew, and Acts--I figured they each represented a markedly different angle of writing. My sort-of-goal was to compare how God related to different people at diferent times, what remained consistent and what changed. I'm still going (I'm on Leviticus, still on Joshua, Psalms and Mathew, and on to Romans), and it's led to a few really good conversations with people. One was with Mark and it centered around the main model we have of God.
Now, there are many descriptions and analogies used in scriptures to describe the nature of God's relationship with us. If we accept the Bible as true, we are left with a vast array of descriptions ranging from God as our master to God as our lover. Mark believes that each of us tends to relate to God based on whatever primary model we have, for whatever reason, accepted and most relate to. He said that most people he'd talked to related to God mainly as father; many related to him mainly as friend, etc. I look at the stages of how I related to God and I'm able to pick out my main model of him in two seperate phases: I'll call them Master and Courter (seeing God as more of a lover figure who pursues me for close, intimate relationship). Now, in both of these phases of understanding God, I was dissatisfied. Mark proposed to me that the reason for this was that of my main model. This is true because our models of God will determine our expectations of him. So if I see God as someone I'm supposed to be having an intimate relationship with, but face the inevitable fact that God is enough Other than me--in that he is not seen or heard or felt the same way as I can see or hear or feel another human--I can be very frustrated. Either my expectations are wrong, or there's something wrong with me. Accepting the fact that there's plenty wrong with me, I also am exploring my expectation of God and what my main model for him is. Though our relationship is multifaceted, Mark has proposed that I look and find what analogy He uses most often for himself. He proposes that God refers to himself as King more than any other model...oh, I have to go...try to finish that thought later... | | |
| Greetings friends,
Wow, I'm sitting in the living room with no fire, no sweatshirt or jacket, the heating on pretty low and I actually feel a bit of warmth on my arm! A few of the sun's rays have managed to break through what was this morning, a solid cover of grey clouds. I think I actually felt a bit of nostalgia for CA weather just then--that sure doesn't happen much:)
Anyway, life continues for me in a very slow, quiet sort of pattern. The big excitement recently was the birth of my friend's (the couple I'm staying with named Mark and Terri Ryan) second baby, Paul Daniel. Because Bowen doesn't have a hospital and Terri didn't like the idea of hiring a water taxi or being flown off the island at some unpredictable hour, they went into Vancouver on Sunday night and had the baby induced on Tuesday. There were a few complications, but after a 17 or so hour labor, Paul and Terri are doing well. Most of the times I think it is the monotony of life that prevails, but every now and then something extra-ordinary happens that, like a star in the night sky or an oasis in a desert, brings a beauty and meaning to life that makes it all worthwhile.
As for study, I'm tackling the question of expectation. All of my questions are consistently leading me back to this: on what basis and what do I believe? I listened to a tape series on trusting God and the question I'm left with is, "what do I trust God with?" I deal with my fear of failure and I'm left still asking what is real failure? I llisten to Dean tell us that we must go call God out and I am left with the question of how? and what will he look like if he comes? I can learn to a certain degree from the experience of others but I know I must walk this path alone to find the answer that will satisfy me, or at least bring me to the next step. Understanding what to expect from God and our relationship seems to be a combination of what the Bible says and my own experience of how what the bible says looks like played out in my life. I see two sources of truth: Scriptures and my own experience, that I'm looking to see if they can reconcile. They must reconcile to some degree in order for me to trust, and I know that if God is calling me to anything it is to trust. Okay, I'm going to abandon that thought because it's all still way too cloudy. If some sun is getting through any of your clouds though, I'd love to hear about it.
I'm being booted out of the room now, so until next time... | | |
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